Finally a new email from dad that’s worth posting. Lately it’s been all anti-Obama propaganda. Here we go:

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly….

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.

The three men had always done everything together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Cooter said, ‘Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad.. You better roll him over..’
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, ‘Nope, ain’t Bubba.’

The mortician thought this was rather strange.
So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.
Gomer looked at the body and said, ‘Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up…
Roll him over.’
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, ‘No, it ain’t Bubba.’

The mortician asked, ‘How can you tell?’
Gomer said, ‘Well, Bubba had two assholes.’
‘What? He had two assholes?’ asked the mortician.
‘Yup, we never seen ‘em, but everybody used to say:

‘There’s Bubba with them two assholes

My wife and I were watching “Crank: High Voltage”, and at the beginning they took out the main character’s heart and put in a battery-powered apparatus. The villains came back to harvest more organs (namely his penis), and the following conversation between my wife and I took place:

Me: This scene perfectly shows every man’s priority. Take my heart, but not my dick!

Wife: That’s sad, but so true. If anyone wants my vagina, they can take it…

Me: I want your vagina, but you never let me take it!

Here’s a phone conversation that I had with my friend. He asked me if I wanted to take his pet cat. His wife loves the cat, but apparently it’s really strange and he wants to get rid of it.

Friend: Do you want to take a cat?

Me: I’m allergic to cats, so I can’t.

Friend: You don’t know what you’re missing.

Me: I do know what I’m missing. If I took the cat, I’d be miserable all the time.

Friend: Dude, we’re both married. We’re miserable all the time anyway.

Ha! His wife was sitting right next to him at the time too.

I have a really strange life. Strange stuff happens to me and my friends all the time, and I never think of writing it down.

I’m feeling extra nostalgic (motivated, drunk) today, so I’m going to share another little life story with everyone. So that the title makes sense I have to to explain that when I was younger I would never be able to make it to work on time when working morning shifts. I’m really not a morning person, and my boss at the time was threatening to fire me if I showed up late again. Here’s the story of how I prevented this. Read the rest…

My wife went to go visit a friend of ours this weekend to visit a friend of ours in DC, and I’m leaving tomorrow to visit our friend’s husband (obviously also a friend of ours) in Michigan. So, I have the house to myself tonight, and it got me thinking of a funny story. Read the rest…

This is literally a ‘church signs’ debate, being played out in a southern town, between the Catholic church and a (fundamentalist) Presbyterian church that face each other across a street.

From top to bottom shows you the response and counter-response over time.

From all these pic’s, one seems to form the impression that the Catholics are approaching this with a sense of humor, while the Presbyterians are actually taking it quite seriously!

Read the rest…

Okay, I’m cheating. This is actually an email from my brother, but funny non-the-less.

We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it. We’ve all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below.. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Read the rest…

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $ 5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.  Read the rest…