My wife and I were watching “Crank: High Voltage”, and at the beginning they took out the main character’s heart and put in a battery-powered apparatus. The villains came back to harvest more organs (namely his penis), and the following conversation between my wife and I took place:
Me: This scene perfectly shows every man’s priority. Take my heart, but not my dick!
Wife: That’s sad, but so true. If anyone wants my vagina, they can take it…
Me: I want your vagina, but you never let me take it!
Here’s a phone conversation that I had with my friend. He asked me if I wanted to take his pet cat. His wife loves the cat, but apparently it’s really strange and he wants to get rid of it.
Friend: Do you want to take a cat?
Me: I’m allergic to cats, so I can’t.
Friend: You don’t know what you’re missing.
Me: I do know what I’m missing. If I took the cat, I’d be miserable all the time.
Friend: Dude, we’re both married. We’re miserable all the time anyway.
Ha! His wife was sitting right next to him at the time too.
I have a really strange life. Strange stuff happens to me and my friends all the time, and I never think of writing it down.
I’m feeling extra nostalgic (motivated, drunk) today, so I’m going to share another little life story with everyone. So that the title makes sense I have to to explain that when I was younger I would never be able to make it to work on time when working morning shifts. I’m really not a morning person, and my boss at the time was threatening to fire me if I showed up late again. Here’s the story of how I prevented this. Read the rest…
My wife went to go visit a friend of ours this weekend to visit a friend of ours in DC, and I’m leaving tomorrow to visit our friend’s husband (obviously also a friend of ours) in Michigan. So, I have the house to myself tonight, and it got me thinking of a funny story. Read the rest…
I apologize in advance for my story about my mundane life, but I think it’s kind of funny, and it’s my blog so I can write what I want.
I was on my way home from work today, and my brother called me to ask for help mounting an XP network drive to a Vista machine (which I couldn’t get to work in the end). I had to stop at home first to let the dog out because she was penned up all day. Read the rest…
There’s a new football league out there, and it’s called the LFL (Lingerie Football League). It’s 7 on 7 tackle football, with all the players being women in lingerie. This seems like a sport that’s going to attract a lot of attention. The LFL features all day tailgating and a “rock concert” environment. I’m sure that men across the country are going to be lining up around the block for tickets to this one, genius. Read more about it on Chicago Sun-Times or Visit the Chicago Bliss Website.
This is my favorite joke to pop up on my Comedy Central Joke of the Day ticker in iGoogle:
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it. Read the rest…
